Mr Mat Mugwort
by Hamfast Gamgee
Summary: Mr. Mugwort's tale who only appears once. Written for a challenge. Please Read and Review. Thanks.


The tale of Mugwort

Matenuoules Mugwort, better known as Mr. Mat Mugwort, walked across the cobbled alleys of the village Bree as dusk fell to Prancing Pony. It was a warmish if, with a hint of rain, October evening and there was a hint of mist developing in the air. But the Inn had cheerful, gleaming lights shinning out of the window, and Mugwort was looking forward to an evening ale or two. Not that he drank all of the time, but one or two drinks now and again. He stepped through the Inns door, brushing a little mud of the toes of his furry Hobbit's feet and ordered his drink at the bar. He was served by Nob and sat down with his companion Fred Underhill and Nob after serving him. Both looked at him and started chuckling.

Mugwort brushed the dust of his green trousers, smoothed his blue shirt and sighed. 'And what is so funny?' he asked with the foreboding of one that knew the answer well. It came as no surprise to him that Nob the bar-Hobbit who was a friend of his managed to stop himself in his humour for a moment, looked at Mugwort and then he replied,

'We were just thinking about that time you had that argument with Bill Ferny!'

'Makes a change!' Mugwort answered Nob sighing.

'And you shouted, calling him a "Useless big, cheating turd!"'

'Yes,' Mugwort slapped his forehead.

'And was then sick all over his expensive jacket ruining it and he chased you out the pub, but then he banged his knee so hard on one of the tables, that disturbing poor Mrs. Thistle who in turn shouted at him again, Bill Ferny gave himself a broken Metersal for doing this and was hurt for three months!' Fred Underhill laughed.

'Look, guys!' Mugwort said in annoyance.

'I think even that strange Ranger, Strider is that his name? smiled. Now normally old Barliman would have perhaps, bared you for doing that, at least for three months, but, well, this was Bill Ferny, everyone knows what he is like so he let you of with a mild talking too.' Nob explained. Actually, it wasn't Strider, but one of the other Rangers, but they all looked much the same to the Hobbits. Then both Hobbits decided to go over the events again. The outside air grew colder.

Mugwort sighed again in despair. Yes, that event had happened. Despite their telling it, he wasn't sure he had come out right in the end. But the point was that this had happened eighteen flipping months ago. And since so little matters of interest happened in Bree the Hobbit regulars would not stop going on about it and he was getting so bored with this. What could possibly be duller, he wondered.

Yes, it was true that eighteen months ago he had a little altercation with Bill Ferny. Well, just about everyone had done so at one point. But this was a spectacular one. That man had a bad reputation and justifily so. But in his naivety, Mugwort had done a little job for him, stone-carving, Mugwort been a skilled stone-carver of Bree and quite proud of this. But the annoying thing was that Ferny hadn't paid him and it was a couple of days work. Ferny had the money, but was just too stingy and though he could exploit a little Hobbit. In the Prancing Pony, Mugwort had shouted at the man in his annoyance. He did consider kicking him were it hurts, curiously this place doesn't have much effect on Hobbits, Hobbits main pain point is been their furry feet. However he had had a few beers, so decided just to be sick on Ferny's jacket.

Well, how Ferny had cried and moaned. At first he tried some ludicrous tale about him been upset because the jacket had belonged to a friend of his. This story was quite unbelievable because Bill Ferny didn't have any friends. He did have acquaintances, but no friends. Then he claimed that Mugwort owed him some money for his jacket, many times more than it was worth. Mugwort just snorted and said he would pay when Ferny paid him. And yes, Ferny had chased Mugwort out of the Inn, banging his own knee in the process to little sympathy from the Hobbits.

Now a casual reader at this point might think that the people were a little harsh on Bill Ferny. Nothing could be further from the truth. Ferny was a big man, but that was just about all he had going for him. He was stupid and nasty. A bad combination and had just about swindled every decent person in Bree out of some money at some point in time. Yet he didn't have the patience or brains to realize a good opportunity when one did come. In fact, the strange Ranger, Strider had asked Mugwort about Ferny last time Strider was here and Mugwort had given Strider some of the recent local facts. Mugwort hadn't been very complementary about Ferny.

Take that Pony of his, Mugwort thought. Bill Ferny did possess a prize Pony, a useful animal that many in Bree would love to have. But as all knew to get the best out of a Pony, one should treat it with at least respect and affection if not love. But Ferny did not have the patience for this. He beat or starved the Pony at every opportunity out of pure nastiness. If the Pony had not the energy to run away it would soon starve and Ferny would have to buy again a resource. Most in Bree had more common sense at least than that. Ferny was not rich enough to have to buy a new pony every year, no matter how he boasted about his desire to join the rich, and no wonder.

But despite this Mugwort was getting a little tired at the constant repetition of this story. He wished that Ferny had just upped and paid which he never did. He sometimes thought his fellow Hobbits didn't have much to talk about in their lives. He looked at the two Hobbits sitting next to him, and ran his fingers through his brown hair. He asked in desperation, 'Look, surely something else must have happened recently.'

Mr. Underhill looked slowly at him and bit his finger, 'Can't think of anything!'

'What about those group of Southern strangers or those mysterious horsemen that have passed by up?'

'Nah Mat, their big people, of no interest,' said Nob.

'Little bit of rain yesterday!' Mat Mugwort suggested with silence from his companions who just sat on their chairs and looked at each other, both in bright green typical Hobbit gear for Bree. Nob looked around at the increasing crowd, Barliman the owner would want his services in a moment, no doubt. Barliman always said he wouldn't be anything without his Nob.

But Nob replied, 'So, we have discussed the weather earlier!'

'One of Farmer Longleaf cows is pregnant!' was Mugwort's last throw which again attracted no conversation. Mugwort sighed. He wished with all his heart that something of interest would happen in this Inn to stop people talking about his capers. He looked at the mist outside the windows swirling in the wind.

Just then, something of interest did happen. Firstly no less than 3 Hobbit strangers from the Shire, appeared in the lounge. Not only did one of them sing a pleasant song, but then he disappeared a bit like magic. This caused a bit of a stir and it was with pleasure that Mugwort noticed a change in the conversation amongst his fellows. At least it wasn't him!

Even the next day it was discovered that the Inn had a break-in, The Shire Hobbits had gone of with the Ranger, Strider and some spooks that had also appeared in the country had gone of as well, apparently after them. What kind of strange magic had bought this was anyone's speculation. Anyway, the next day the Inn was abuzz with folk andnon-stop conversation.

And no-one mentioned Mugwort's incident with Bill Ferny once, nor ever again. Thankfully Mugwort looked to where the Hobbit had sang his song. He was thinking better thoughts about the fellow than most of his compatriots did. In fact, he thought the Hobbit had a nice bright sparkle in his eye. Mat Mugwort said to where the Hobbit had been the previous evening. 'I don't know who you were, what your business was or why you were here. But cheers pal!'


End file.
